BE Who You Are...

This installment is very near and dear to me as a mother of two chicks who have just made their first foray into the WORLD. Both are full-time college students, both are taking intelligent risks and failing occasionally, but learning the truth about resiliency. They both have been given a foundation, coming from totally different beginnings -- one born three months premature, the other spending far too many years in foster care. My children who are now adults, know the love of God and family and it shows in how compassionate they are to those who need it most.

I think they are closer to living their best lives than I ever was at their ages. I'd like to think I had something to do with that, but ultimately I think it is more the path that God made for each of them. We all have the choice to stay on that divine path or detour occasionally, sometimes suffering the consequences. Truthfully, there are no surprises. We wake each day and we decide much of what leads to our daily outcomes - good or bad. Life is full of opportunities, sometimes minute-by-minute to make not just good choices, but God choices -- Those choices that will guide us to purpose; the answers to the WHYs of our lives.

For many years I was trapped; maybe in a cocoon of sorts. Many things happened in my life to cause me to want to be liked and accepted. Wanting to say the right things always -- Never ever to offend anyone with telling them the truth. Those thoughts by themselves are not harmful or far-fetched. But coupled together with an unhealthy concept of God and religion... *my Christian friends' antennas just went up - chuckle* I was so religious at a point in my life that I negated all that Jesus taught in his short life. I ruled myself with an iron fist and beat myself up for considering enjoying anything outside the four walls of the church. I love God, I serve a risen Savior in Jesus the Christ - Yeshua and I love God's creation - not just the Christian ones.

Before I professed the Lord, Jesus, I spent a good deal of time around people of various ethnic backgrounds/cultures. I tried different foods, listened to different genres of music, visited wonderful places... I experienced great pains and even greater achievements and victories. The path that I have traveled can not have been for NOTHING at all! A few years ago, I began to feel the cocoon crack.

I left a job I hated and started my own company. I can not tell you how liberating that was. The old me would never have considered such a thing. I was always a scared bird who talked big, but did little to change things when I was unhappy; hence the gastrointestinal issues I later suffered. Now some would say... "That's not true." Yes, I have made some life choices that some would consider "daring," long before quitting my job, but I always quivered inside -- hoping that my decision would not be too hurtful and believing deep down that SOMEONE was really disappointed in my decision.

I have come to learn and embrace that every experience and lesson, every victory, every failure and misstep, every gain and loss, every appreciation AND disappointment has all been combined to form a big loving pot of ME. And there is always enough of me to go around, as long as I don't serve up TOO much. As long as I'm truly LIVING life, I will never be empty. Abundant life is restorative and healthy. That may or may not extend to health in my body, as everyone has a day/hour to leave this life. But while I am here, I am going to BE all of ME. My relationships are more genuine and richer -- I pray to see purpose in those I encounter. Being me doesn't give me license or even extra time to critique everyone in the world. The best of us doesn't have to be harmful or unkind to be truthful (that's often pain speaking), nor do we have to permit others to inflict or deflect their pain on us. Be HONEST, know LOVE, give LOVE and BE YOU. Hope this helps someone. Remember God's faithfulness.

Find Your Peace...

I haven't blogged for a while because I have been sooooooo involved in family needs and quite honestly there was little room for ME. I have no regrets about the hand that was dealt me, as I know that ultimately God's plan for me is multi-faceted and the journey has been great; replete with bumps and bruises. I lost my mom last October, after a long battle with kidney failure and congestive heart failure. Every moment she suffered in the end felt like someone was gently squeezing life out of me too. My mom was both my daily laugh buddy and "contender in the ring." We battled hard, but laughed harder. I knew my mom loved me and wanted my success, at times more than her own. I relied on her to just BE THERE and to HEAR me and she never let me down. I wrestled with her for years because I wanted her to WANT to live, but her body was breaking down and it was taking her strength in every way imaginable. My son and I just couldn't grasp how this giant of a woman could be whittling away before our eyes. I think we were both in serious denial until the very end.

I worked to protect my son from the seriousness and made sure that we went to spend quality time with her. At that same time he was finishing his senior year of high school and wanting to finish well. As many of you know, my son has had many academic challenges, due in part to being born three months early. 1 lb/14 ozs at birth, he overcame many of his challenges, but still struggles with spacial issues. His junior year he miraculously developed his own methods to become victorious in studying, so I was finally able to rest in that area...

One thing that was constant for me is that I realized that there were times that I had to set aside, no matter how small, to breathe and thank God for what was my TRUTH. Yes, situations may go wrong... Yes, you may have presumably fallen off track... Yes, outside forces like family matters, may be in disrepair. But we have to rest in knowing we are doing what we can and we have to trust God to be God... Not just in OUR lives, but in the lives of those we touch everyday. There is no peace in trying to be God for people. Love yourself and others, pray for yourself and others and do what gives you peace, not pressure. Pray also that God will show you how to know the difference. I pray this message gives someone RELEASE AND RELIEF.

The Meeting of a Lifetime

Ok, so here we are at installment 12 in this series. I've taken a break for a while to assess where I am, versus where I'd like to go with this whole blogging thing and really, I like this direction. My goal is to bring about not just a chuckle or two nor to just remind singles of the "red flags" in dating, but to reintroduce us to ourselves.

With the hustle and bustle of life we tend to lose ourselves and become comfortable with allowing our lives to live us, instead of the other way around. Sometimes we are almost in a daze, as if abducted by aliens, wandering around doing whatever our schedules dictate, as if we have no say. Well I rose early this morning with the expressed intention of reminding you that you most certainly do have "a say." Beginning today, beginning now. But first...

Allow me to assist in the formal introduction... (say this out loud) "Me, I'd like you to meet Myself, and I." Now that THAT's over with, we can relax and be "ourselves." Of all the things we are to so many people (family, friends, co-workers, business associates and complete strangers)we must remember to pause and reacquaint ourselves with those things that we "said" were important. Those things we said we would do, seek out, experience, to add value to our lives. Sure being in the right place, with the right people is valuable, but if we represent the "product," are we truly as well put together as our packaging suggests? Or... are we a jumbled mess, just barely gathering enough of ourselves everyday to keep up the facade?

Every now and then, I decide that in order for me to keep loving myself, even liking myself, I need that TIME. If you are like me, you don't just "happen" upon this time, you have to be deliberate, intentional and even schedule it if necessary. Maybe record your favorite shows and use that time to go to a designated space, it could be a room at home, your bath tub, a walk in the neighborhood, maybe even a wi-fi spot or the library. Doesn't matter where, as long as it affords you the time and space to embrace yourself and give yourself that much needed attention. External maintenance is good, but it is the internal maintenance that will sustain you when the inevitable external challenges and obstacles appear.

During this "me" time you can explore what we've identified in earlier posts and ask yourself questions. Hey, maybe your perspective has changed. Maybe you'll find that you have grown in areas you hadn't imagined. Maybe you'll identify some areas that need to be "handled" before they overtake you and ruin your life plans. It is even more possible that you will recognize that you still remember who you really are and that your plans just needed to be pulled out of storage and "dusted off." That idea is still a great idea, that dream is still attainable and God's promises are still TRUE. Finally, remember to invite and get reacquainted with your Creator at these "get-togethers". The reward of courage,wisdom and truth will be great.

Let's talk VALUE

Here we are at our 11th installment of this victorious living journey. You know... What I write about is geared to motivate and encourage singles, for sure. But really, it's for EVERYONE. All of us have our strengths and giftings; many of which are birthed out of our life experiences. Somewhere along the line, I got shot with the arrow of "victorious living". And if you have been reading earlier blogs, you know that my journey has been very "interesting," but a blessing all the same. If you ask me, I'll talk about it, but I waste very little time with unsolicited chatter.

Sure I love telling jokes and chiming in on the topic of the moment, but one thing I've learned is that "talkers" like myself, get the best value out of intentional listening. What we have to say may be very important, but if talking becomes more important to you than listening, it's just as if you are pouring precious stones off a cliff. Moments to share our "wisdom" avail themselves, but we should seek out the opportunities to listen. Listening to learn, not to prove wrong or right.

Sometimes talking can be a diversionary tactic. Have you ever met someone who seems to never stop talking? Sometimes talking constantly about superficial things or other people's problems, makes it less likely that people will really notice our pain or short comings. Not realizing that if we stop talking and begin to listen more, that healing comes from what is poured into to us. We can select what is poured into us by the way. Our movie, music , motivational media preferences and even conversations we participate in are our choice and can really make a difference in the value added to our lives, each day.

What are you listening to? What are you talking about? Is there value? Do you select your words so that even in correction, they are adding value? Or... Are you hoping the phone will ring with more idle gossip, so you don't have to focus on the areas of your life that need growth and healing? One serious sign of growth for a talker is when the phone rings less and less. Many of us are talkers because God needs our words and personalities to promote growth and make a positive change and difference in the lives of others. Start interrupting the stream of negative talk and valuless conversations -- either by turning the conversation positive, if you can or totally changing the conversation. Be the light. Add value.

Sometimes even saying nothing in a converation can end it quickly -- especially if you are a key contributor. But it is most important that your words become valuable to you and that as you begin to make "speaking life" a necessity in your life, more LIFE will be spoken into you. "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." Proverbs 18:21. And Jesus said "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." Matthew 12:34b This explains why and how we can be so badly wounded with words.

The words you speak (write) can be a weapon, but can also be rewarding, encouraging, healing, comforting and finally they can ADD VALUE. Guard your words and choose them carefully, but remember to LISTEN.

Who do YOU say that I am...

Greetings ALL! Here we are at our 10th installment. It is my prayer that this blog is beneficial in helping all of us,to continue on the path to victory. People and things will never "complete" us. It was a clever line in the movie Jerry McGuire, but really "being complete" is an ongoing process -- a constant replenishment that results from quality life choices and healthy decisions.

It's really great to have a sense of who we are and communicate that to people verbally. But the sense of who we are may not be who those we encounter, really see or experience. If we were to fill out a questionnaire, we might say we are confident, resilient, adventurous, perilous, ambitious, thoughtful, a giver... All of those can be great qualities to have and portray and even at first glance, many in your circle would agree, but what happens when they get to KNOW you?

We most often display for others who we would like to be, especially with those we only have a brief encounter. The healthiest and most life-changing encounters will emerge from our purest relationships. Facades are very short lived, because at some point midnight will come and the coach with six horses returns to its purest and true state of being -- a pumpkin and six mice. How often have we realized, especially when dating or forming new friendships, that the person we met initially seems to have morphed into some unseemly character that we would never have dated or befriended had we known upfront what lies beneath?

An absence in integrity has many offspring. Integrity begins with self-analysis and an occasional polling of those in our inner circle. Who do I say that I am, versus who do strangers say that I am, versus who do those I love and who love me, say that I am? We get this model from Jesus in Matthew 13:16-20. The disciples were Jesus' inner circle and his first question was "Who do men say that I, the Son of Man, am?" "Men" represents strangers, passersby, those in our community, who do not know us intimately. The disciples shot off all the things, titles, names that they heard "people" use to describe Jesus. Then Jesus went in deeper to ask the question, "Who do YOU say that I am?" You see they walked with Jesus, traveled with him, slept under the same roof and learned from him. They knew him INTIMATELY. So the answer to this question would be a direct reflection of all that had been invested, beyond what is seen on the "surface."

It is sooooo much more difficult to keep up a facade, then to actually do the work and make the commitment to grow and improve. Facades are for instant gratification and special agendas and very often have disappointing outcomes. Pleasing men is not the goal -- your purpose is fulfilled in seeking to please God and facades don't work with God, so why bother?

Surrounding ourselves with people who are willing and ready to love us as we grow and lovingly remind us of our goal/purpose, is very valuable. If we have to continuously maintain a false sense of "self" in order to have friends or dates, where's the genuineness in that? How does that contribute to purpose or living our lives with joy and peace?

If you want to grow and stay the course in reaching your physical, emotional and spiritual goals, ask for help from those who love you. If you don't have ANYONE at all in your circle whose support you can turn to or rely on in this daily process, then it is high time that you did some "house cleaning". Who is growing with you??? The answer to this question is very important to the success of your journey -- your prosperity.

Once you have started the process of honesty with yourself and subsequently with others about who we are, remember that it is a PROCESS. Results will happen, but not overnight in most cases. The most rewarding times are those when you are faced with a choice that you've faced in the past and you choose God, over man. That is a sign of growth and change. And you will find yourself desiring to experience that moment again and again. Let's continue to grow together.

The "Decision" to Heal

Good day all. Welcome to Day 3 of victorious singleness.

Today's post comes pretty easy, because it's based on my own experiences. I must say that I was preparing to post this since yesterday, especially after reading a Facebook status of a very dear friend. She was talking about preachers who criticize other ministries from the pulpit. My comment to this is that there are many wounded people "ministering" through their wounds. And this is not limited to preachers, just as ministry is not limited to pulpiteers.

We minister (share the love of God and the gospel of Jesus Christ) as believers with everyone in our lives and if we are wounded, our efforts are not nearly as effective and can, in fact, be very harmful. No matter how hard we try to cover and camouflage our woundedness, it comes out in one form or another. We must make the "decision" that we will seek and achieve healing for the sake of those we say we love and those we will attempt to love in the future.

Wounded parents, wound their children -- very often unintentionally. Wounded friends, hurt other friends -- but we have to KNOW that we are wounded and therein lies the biggest dilemma. When we do not know we are wounded, we assume that everything negative that occurs in our lives and those we've touched, is someone else's fault or someone else's problem. We become victims and teach victimization to those in our care. This is more dangerous than a bullet through the heart, because it has a domino effect that can last a lifetime and cause us only to have superficial, surface relationships. Only those who are as wounded as we are or so desperate to have a connection that they just accept our wounds and join in, are able to stay in our circle. We only attract wounded people and chase away the healthy.

Having experienced abuse in my childhood, I worked feverishly to not be "that" person. Always trying to please, do the "right" thing. And when it came down, it almost destroyed me -- but God. Having to stop everything, gave me a chance to really see how wounded I was and for the sake of all those God had placed and would place in my life, as well as for the sake of the fulfillment of God's purpose for MY life, I had to get healed. The only way that I could be healed was to turn to the Healer, Jehovah Rapha. Not being "super-spiritual" -- by turning to the Healer, I mean that I had to acknowledge that I had unmet needs, unresolved issues, and unhealed hurts (thanks Carolyn Driver!), then ALLOW God to show me the path to healing. God began to bring people in my life, like my professors at Beulah Heights University, that taught me how to be healthy and subsequently a better mom, friend, minister... Why??? Because once we are healed, we become the truth that we seek and we begin to serve healthy "food" that changes lives. Not just rhetoric and repeating stuff that we've heard, but genuine truth, our truth.

When we are living life from a genuine place, it becomes less difficult to forgive and restore those who have hurt us. We don't even care WHY they hurt us, we just know that they need to see what forgiveness looks like. That ACTION, however it is played out in your life, will be seed sown in fertile ground. Being healthy also helps you recognize those who are healed and leads you to make more conscious decisions about who should be in your life, for how long and to what degree. Being healed opens our spirits to received direction, since we are no longer clogged with the pain of our past. Being healed helps us to share pure, untainted love -- Godly love that does not REQUIRE that those around us perform in order to receive it.

Make a commitment to search your heart and memory for "the pain". Be silent and ask God, not only to show you the pain, but also to guide you to forgiveness and healing. If we are constantly knee-deep in criticism of ourselves and others and it comes out in our walk and daily talk -- our wounds are showing. Get healed -- DECIDE to be healed -- PURE LOVE is waiting.

The Death of the Resolution

Ok all. First step toward victory requires that we all give up procrastination. Every year, beginning as early as September/October, we start the mental preparation toward a new life-changing activity, ritual, change of habit... We'll begin a physical fitness regiment, we'll change our eating habits, we'll give up coffee, pork or red meat, alcohol, cigarrettes, a horrible boyfriend/girlfriend, crazy BFF... We'll find a new job, start taking classes, try to have a baby, blah, blah, blah...

If we are not willing to at least begin the process today, this moment, it is highly likely that the resolution that will begin "tomorrow" will be very short-lived. Honesty with ourselves means that we know that we have a propensity toward the dramatic and/or false promises. If we are horrible at keeping our promises to ourselves, it becomes all the more difficult to keep promises to others. Charity begins at home.

We must begin small -- Planning to take a class? - read a book or two. Thinking about getting pregnant? - spend time with a child at church or in your family -- make sure it's a kid you already like. Start reading up on the newest ways to stop smoking and pick something today. Start looking at your career change options and formulate a plan. As far as the crazy friend -- stop faking like you want to be around them, if the relationship is unhealthy. Don't be mean or angry about it, just focus on the healthy relationships. As for horrible boyfriend/girlfriend -- GEEEET OOOUT! ...and start rebuilding your emotional/mental/spiritual health.

So now we eulogize the NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION. Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust - You came from nothing and to nothing you return. We can no longer afford to allow you to enable our "wobbly legged" commitments. If we start weak, we end weaker and more defeated. Good bye New Year's Resolution -- our new life plan begins right now.