Who do YOU say that I am...

Greetings ALL! Here we are at our 10th installment. It is my prayer that this blog is beneficial in helping all of us,to continue on the path to victory. People and things will never "complete" us. It was a clever line in the movie Jerry McGuire, but really "being complete" is an ongoing process -- a constant replenishment that results from quality life choices and healthy decisions.

It's really great to have a sense of who we are and communicate that to people verbally. But the sense of who we are may not be who those we encounter, really see or experience. If we were to fill out a questionnaire, we might say we are confident, resilient, adventurous, perilous, ambitious, thoughtful, a giver... All of those can be great qualities to have and portray and even at first glance, many in your circle would agree, but what happens when they get to KNOW you?

We most often display for others who we would like to be, especially with those we only have a brief encounter. The healthiest and most life-changing encounters will emerge from our purest relationships. Facades are very short lived, because at some point midnight will come and the coach with six horses returns to its purest and true state of being -- a pumpkin and six mice. How often have we realized, especially when dating or forming new friendships, that the person we met initially seems to have morphed into some unseemly character that we would never have dated or befriended had we known upfront what lies beneath?

An absence in integrity has many offspring. Integrity begins with self-analysis and an occasional polling of those in our inner circle. Who do I say that I am, versus who do strangers say that I am, versus who do those I love and who love me, say that I am? We get this model from Jesus in Matthew 13:16-20. The disciples were Jesus' inner circle and his first question was "Who do men say that I, the Son of Man, am?" "Men" represents strangers, passersby, those in our community, who do not know us intimately. The disciples shot off all the things, titles, names that they heard "people" use to describe Jesus. Then Jesus went in deeper to ask the question, "Who do YOU say that I am?" You see they walked with Jesus, traveled with him, slept under the same roof and learned from him. They knew him INTIMATELY. So the answer to this question would be a direct reflection of all that had been invested, beyond what is seen on the "surface."

It is sooooo much more difficult to keep up a facade, then to actually do the work and make the commitment to grow and improve. Facades are for instant gratification and special agendas and very often have disappointing outcomes. Pleasing men is not the goal -- your purpose is fulfilled in seeking to please God and facades don't work with God, so why bother?

Surrounding ourselves with people who are willing and ready to love us as we grow and lovingly remind us of our goal/purpose, is very valuable. If we have to continuously maintain a false sense of "self" in order to have friends or dates, where's the genuineness in that? How does that contribute to purpose or living our lives with joy and peace?

If you want to grow and stay the course in reaching your physical, emotional and spiritual goals, ask for help from those who love you. If you don't have ANYONE at all in your circle whose support you can turn to or rely on in this daily process, then it is high time that you did some "house cleaning". Who is growing with you??? The answer to this question is very important to the success of your journey -- your prosperity.

Once you have started the process of honesty with yourself and subsequently with others about who we are, remember that it is a PROCESS. Results will happen, but not overnight in most cases. The most rewarding times are those when you are faced with a choice that you've faced in the past and you choose God, over man. That is a sign of growth and change. And you will find yourself desiring to experience that moment again and again. Let's continue to grow together.

Life's Distractions

Day 8. I feel like Captain Kirk aboard the Starship Enterprise, entering my captain's log... I know -- reel it in. LOL I'm back.

Our focus today is the process of evaluating and eliminating the distractions in our lives. "House cleaning" if you will. Before we can really clean house, we must first identify the goal or target from which we may or may not be distracted. The target??? God's Purpose and God's Pleasure. That's all. Everyday when we awake, it's all about -- God's purpose and God's pleasure. In our daily walk -- God's purpose and God's pleasure. Our dealings with people -- God's purpose and God's pleasure. The significance of everything and everyone in our lives, is such, based on their alignment with this target. We are only hitting the bull's eye when our efforts are in alignment.

The bull's eye defined: "I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" Philippians 3:14. Jesus taught so much in his famous "Sermon on the Mount" -- found in the New Testament book of Matthew, chapters 5-7. Very rich and instructional - include in your personal study. Among the empowering and uplifting teachings, were lessons to equip us to be successful in our journey -- keeping us "on target." Late in chapter 6, we are reminded that God knows exactly what we need and that if we seek God first, all the things that "use to" distract us, before God was the target, will be handled and added as they align with God's will for our lives. We often get in the way of our own success because "self" (ambition, monetary pursuits, pleasing people...) is our distraction.

There is nothing wrong with ambition or any other motivator in our lives, as long as it does not distract us from God's purpose and God's pleasure. You can have life coaches and self-help gurus that you admire and follow, but true fulfillment and peace reside in staying focused on the target. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 REMINDER: You will be all that God created you to be by remembering to keep God first.

Every endeavor and person in our lives should lead us back to God -- God's purpose, God's pleasure. So in celebration of the new year, as we prepare to clean house, let's give our lives a "walk through". Are there cracks in your foundation that God needs to repair before you can live your life with peace, joy and victory? What are your distractions?? Is your current dating relationship distracting you from your relationship with God? What about your friendships? Your job situation and career choice? Here's the great part: You may not have to divorce yourself from any of these people or situations. They may be in alignment and YOU could be the one out of alignment. If you know who you are, no environment or person should change your identity or behavior. It helps a great deal to have a friend or two who will encourage and join your efforts to stay on target. Then you can walk together and be support for one another.

Take some time to get to know who you are, beginning with learning who God says you are. Spending time in prayer/solitude builds relationship, strength and confidence. Confidence will trump distractions without fail. The same confidence will generate the necessary determination needed to stay the course each day toward the pursuit of God's purpose and God's pleasure -- and finally you will know God's peace. Beam me up, Scotty

Stepping Over the Wounded- REVISED

Here we are, Day 5 in our series. I'm going in a totally different direction than I originally planned, because I have read a note from a friend of a friend in Facebook and it was "more of the same." It just looked like a tennis match of blame. Who is to blame for failing relationships??? What came first the chicken or the egg???

Both women and men contribute to the current state of relationships in general. Everyone who reads these comments, blogs, notes... knows someone, really lots of people, who themselves are not whole-- emotionally and spirtually complete -- "the walking wounded", who are out here dating and continuing to further wound others. We get on panel after panel blaming one another for why people are single. Our children are watching us and becoming more and more indifferent, frivolous and casual about their views on relationships and performing acts at earlier ages that are endangering their lives. The woundedness is now beginning as early as 9 and 10-years-old. I saw a Dr. Phil show today that made me want to run into the street screaming like the character Mookie in Do the Right Thing.

Change will only occur when we, as a part of the human race, realize our individual role in promoting and living truth. Truth about the person we look at in the mirror and truth about the people we are drawn to and start asking WHY? Why do we behave the way we do toward the people in our lives? If we are in a good relationship, why don't we value it? If we are in a harmful or unproductive relationship, why do we stay or even decide to marry? Without loving and valuing ourselves, how can be in a healthy relationship?

It starts with us. If you are healthy and dating and realize early on that the person you've met, is not what you desire, even if he/she is attractive and accomplished, you probably should not continue with the relationship. If there is nothing there from the beginnng, it CAN NOT END WELL. All that will result is more wounds for either or both involved. Be HONEST about your intentions and expectations upfront.

I tell every dating single I know... Dating is for CONFIRMING, not CONVINCING. Many men and women audition for years for the role of "spouse" only to arrive at a place of having to "divide the spoils" and walk away wounded -- yet again. Relationships, as with everything else we do, MUST be intentional. We usually know when a relationship is going NO WHERE. And we know it early enough to spare ourselves and the person we are seeing much of the pain we experience in break-ups. No relationship is perfect, but every relationship should have purpose and intention.

What is happening in relationships today is the sum of many contributing factors: self-indulgence, abandonment, lack of positive influences, and other societal ills. Let's get to know the people in our lives and promote health and integrity in all of our relationships. Healing before moving into another relationship is more than just necessary -- it is detrimental to the life of our future union. I've talked about healing in earlier submissions. Look at the relationship you are in today. How are you contributing to it's healthiness, if it is healthy at all? If it is not healthy, get help, if you can -- especially if it is a marriage. If we have to become an impostor to keep a relationship going, it is not healthy. Compromise is necessary for success, but not lying about who we are. That's why counselling, for many couples is so vital BEFORE the nuptuals, because sometimes we can't see ourselves at all.

We have to move on from blame. It is not the "fault" of any one gender, race, ideology... The village has allowed its daughters and sons to become wounded and now the village must join together to restore health and healing, so that healthy, life-long relationships can return to being the "norm" instead of "the exception".