Who do YOU say that I am...

Greetings ALL! Here we are at our 10th installment. It is my prayer that this blog is beneficial in helping all of us,to continue on the path to victory. People and things will never "complete" us. It was a clever line in the movie Jerry McGuire, but really "being complete" is an ongoing process -- a constant replenishment that results from quality life choices and healthy decisions.

It's really great to have a sense of who we are and communicate that to people verbally. But the sense of who we are may not be who those we encounter, really see or experience. If we were to fill out a questionnaire, we might say we are confident, resilient, adventurous, perilous, ambitious, thoughtful, a giver... All of those can be great qualities to have and portray and even at first glance, many in your circle would agree, but what happens when they get to KNOW you?

We most often display for others who we would like to be, especially with those we only have a brief encounter. The healthiest and most life-changing encounters will emerge from our purest relationships. Facades are very short lived, because at some point midnight will come and the coach with six horses returns to its purest and true state of being -- a pumpkin and six mice. How often have we realized, especially when dating or forming new friendships, that the person we met initially seems to have morphed into some unseemly character that we would never have dated or befriended had we known upfront what lies beneath?

An absence in integrity has many offspring. Integrity begins with self-analysis and an occasional polling of those in our inner circle. Who do I say that I am, versus who do strangers say that I am, versus who do those I love and who love me, say that I am? We get this model from Jesus in Matthew 13:16-20. The disciples were Jesus' inner circle and his first question was "Who do men say that I, the Son of Man, am?" "Men" represents strangers, passersby, those in our community, who do not know us intimately. The disciples shot off all the things, titles, names that they heard "people" use to describe Jesus. Then Jesus went in deeper to ask the question, "Who do YOU say that I am?" You see they walked with Jesus, traveled with him, slept under the same roof and learned from him. They knew him INTIMATELY. So the answer to this question would be a direct reflection of all that had been invested, beyond what is seen on the "surface."

It is sooooo much more difficult to keep up a facade, then to actually do the work and make the commitment to grow and improve. Facades are for instant gratification and special agendas and very often have disappointing outcomes. Pleasing men is not the goal -- your purpose is fulfilled in seeking to please God and facades don't work with God, so why bother?

Surrounding ourselves with people who are willing and ready to love us as we grow and lovingly remind us of our goal/purpose, is very valuable. If we have to continuously maintain a false sense of "self" in order to have friends or dates, where's the genuineness in that? How does that contribute to purpose or living our lives with joy and peace?

If you want to grow and stay the course in reaching your physical, emotional and spiritual goals, ask for help from those who love you. If you don't have ANYONE at all in your circle whose support you can turn to or rely on in this daily process, then it is high time that you did some "house cleaning". Who is growing with you??? The answer to this question is very important to the success of your journey -- your prosperity.

Once you have started the process of honesty with yourself and subsequently with others about who we are, remember that it is a PROCESS. Results will happen, but not overnight in most cases. The most rewarding times are those when you are faced with a choice that you've faced in the past and you choose God, over man. That is a sign of growth and change. And you will find yourself desiring to experience that moment again and again. Let's continue to grow together.

Before We Go Any Further, Let's Be Friends

Whodini released the album - yes I said "album" -- Escape in 1984. And one of the classics that emerged from that masterpiece was the song "Friends". Y'all know it, "Friends, how many of us have them, friends, ones we can depend on, friends..."

This is Day 4 of our year-long adventure and I must say I'm having a great time. Now... many singles don't know what friendship looks like because we have never experienced friendship. When your earliest memories are of betrayal, by parents and close family or even childhood friends, sometimes this may lead to reclusive living or allowing "anyone" to latch on to us. The problem with this is that if we can not recognize friends, many of our encounters will be superficial at best.

Every facet of our lives requires decisions and intention. Why am I doing this? Why is this person in my life? Where do I hope to be in 2 years, 5 years, etc.? Who are my "friends"? Exodus 33:11 tells us that the Lord spoke to Moses "face to face, as a man speaks to his friend." IMPORTANT: Friends speak to you face to face. Truthfully, friendship is very delicate and intricate. Developing one requires patience, honesty, transparency (over time) and love -- Godly love. When we have questionable character, it is difficult, but not impossible to be a friend. If we want to have friends, then it is necessary for us to become friend material.

Sure it's fun and somewhat fulfilling to grab lunch with someone , catch a movie with someone or go to a sporting event with someone. But this doesn't make someone a friend -- companion, yes, acquaintance, yes, associate or peer, yes. Friendship is a very valuable commodity. And true friendship is cherished for a lifetime. True friends will NEVER kill your dreams. They will recognize your fire, your passion and even your calling and be sensitive to it. Even if friends do not understand your journey, they will stand with you, trusting the person with whom they have been mutually patient, honest, transparent and experienced love. A friend will celebrate your joys and experience your pains, just as much, if not more than you do.

Does this mean that the people of questionable character in your life should be cast out? Nope. Some can learn to be friends, by our example. You will see that as you know what to look for in friends and become a better one, the "not-so-much" friends will gradually go their own way. See the "not-so's" don't want honesty, they just want you to agree with them and their questionable behavior and inappropriate life choices. If you are doing this, you are not being a friend. Lots of times when people tell you that they are involved in something inappropriate, they are hoping that you will "talk them down". Use wisdom, kindness and discretion, but BE A FRIEND.

When you learn how to pick better friends and be a better friend, this will contribute to other life successes. You'll look for integrity in your work environment, you'll be conscious of your image and who you associate with. Finally, you will marry someone who is your FRIEND -- Someone who wants to know YOU, from the inside out, not in the opposite direction. We have to refuse to waste time with people in general who are only interested in our CANDY COATING. Those relationships are fun, but not INTENTIONAL. There is so much more to us, if people take the time to look inside. Make that a requirement -- you'll be glad you did.

You want to know who you really are? Look at the folks you call friends. Jackie Caine, Tasha Jackson, Jocelyne Jones, Betty Hart, Shameeka Shy Ayers, V. Keith Jones, and Kevin Judge are my friends (for richer, for poorer) -- they don't take my mess and they listen with Godly love. I trust them with my life, not because of who they are, but because of who God is through them. You don't have to speak to or see friends all the time, but they are always there. Recognize who your friends are today.