Before We Go Any Further, Let's Be Friends

Whodini released the album - yes I said "album" -- Escape in 1984. And one of the classics that emerged from that masterpiece was the song "Friends". Y'all know it, "Friends, how many of us have them, friends, ones we can depend on, friends..."

This is Day 4 of our year-long adventure and I must say I'm having a great time. Now... many singles don't know what friendship looks like because we have never experienced friendship. When your earliest memories are of betrayal, by parents and close family or even childhood friends, sometimes this may lead to reclusive living or allowing "anyone" to latch on to us. The problem with this is that if we can not recognize friends, many of our encounters will be superficial at best.

Every facet of our lives requires decisions and intention. Why am I doing this? Why is this person in my life? Where do I hope to be in 2 years, 5 years, etc.? Who are my "friends"? Exodus 33:11 tells us that the Lord spoke to Moses "face to face, as a man speaks to his friend." IMPORTANT: Friends speak to you face to face. Truthfully, friendship is very delicate and intricate. Developing one requires patience, honesty, transparency (over time) and love -- Godly love. When we have questionable character, it is difficult, but not impossible to be a friend. If we want to have friends, then it is necessary for us to become friend material.

Sure it's fun and somewhat fulfilling to grab lunch with someone , catch a movie with someone or go to a sporting event with someone. But this doesn't make someone a friend -- companion, yes, acquaintance, yes, associate or peer, yes. Friendship is a very valuable commodity. And true friendship is cherished for a lifetime. True friends will NEVER kill your dreams. They will recognize your fire, your passion and even your calling and be sensitive to it. Even if friends do not understand your journey, they will stand with you, trusting the person with whom they have been mutually patient, honest, transparent and experienced love. A friend will celebrate your joys and experience your pains, just as much, if not more than you do.

Does this mean that the people of questionable character in your life should be cast out? Nope. Some can learn to be friends, by our example. You will see that as you know what to look for in friends and become a better one, the "not-so-much" friends will gradually go their own way. See the "not-so's" don't want honesty, they just want you to agree with them and their questionable behavior and inappropriate life choices. If you are doing this, you are not being a friend. Lots of times when people tell you that they are involved in something inappropriate, they are hoping that you will "talk them down". Use wisdom, kindness and discretion, but BE A FRIEND.

When you learn how to pick better friends and be a better friend, this will contribute to other life successes. You'll look for integrity in your work environment, you'll be conscious of your image and who you associate with. Finally, you will marry someone who is your FRIEND -- Someone who wants to know YOU, from the inside out, not in the opposite direction. We have to refuse to waste time with people in general who are only interested in our CANDY COATING. Those relationships are fun, but not INTENTIONAL. There is so much more to us, if people take the time to look inside. Make that a requirement -- you'll be glad you did.

You want to know who you really are? Look at the folks you call friends. Jackie Caine, Tasha Jackson, Jocelyne Jones, Betty Hart, Shameeka Shy Ayers, V. Keith Jones, and Kevin Judge are my friends (for richer, for poorer) -- they don't take my mess and they listen with Godly love. I trust them with my life, not because of who they are, but because of who God is through them. You don't have to speak to or see friends all the time, but they are always there. Recognize who your friends are today.