Happy New Year to all my cyber family! 2010 promises to be an absolutely awesome year, if we are committed to living it with purpose and intention. Day 6 is all about forgiveness. It's a tough one, but necessary.
Yesterday, if you didn't read my blog before the revision, you missed my rampage about blame in relationships. I have to apologize myself for "writing in anger." I was turning tables yesterday, but I could have hurt someone and that must not happen. "Be angry and do not sin," is what Ephesians 4:26 teaches us. The purpose of this blog is to edify and encourage, never to point fingers of shame or to do harm. If I didn't harm any of my readers, I certainly harmed my mission and purpose. I thank you all for forgiving me. Now...
Throughout our lives, many of our life choices may cause harm - directly OR indirectly. I like to believe that most of the time people get hurt, not because we set out to harm them, but they become casualies of our own issues. Many abusers are actually trying to sabotage themselves and the victims are an afterthought. Having suffered abuse in my childhood, I know that my abuser was in pain. That is not an excuse, but it helps in the process of forgiving. A friend of mine, we'll call Marcus, shared with me his desire to show compassion toward the drunk driver that killed his parent. That truly warmed my heart, because drunk driving is a perfect example of my point about self-sabotage. Abusers, attackers, malicious gossipers and others who do harm, have no self-love. They may be self-centered and selfish, but have no self-love.
When we love ourselves, we want to present ourselves in the best possible light. We want to exhibit the best of ourselves, for the purpose of God's pleasure and his plan. Sometimes even our good intentions cause harm. The scripture "Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil" (Romans 14:16), lets us know that intentions don't count for much, if harm is the result. People will see the harm, but not necessarily your intentions. So even if you commit an unintentional infraction, apologizing and being careful in the future is the best plan of action.
For those who intentionally harm, if the intention is to do harm and the goal is acheived and there is no remorse -- the heart itself is at issue. Only a relationship with God and an experience of true love can change that -- and change must be desired before it can begin.
Let's talk about forgiving ourselves, so that we can change how we see ourselves. Love of self often begins with forgiveness. Maybe we've abused ourselves over the years, maybe we have lashed out at those we are suppose to love, maybe we have destroyed our own relationships or even someone else's... There could be many other reasons why we should forgive ourselves, but what is important is that we do it today so that new life and healing can begin. Forgiveness occur from our hearts, as we learn through the parable of the king in Matthew 18. It is the heart that makes the difference in all of our decisions in life. And to "forgive" is certainly a decision. Unforgiveness, binds us and can form malice, suffering and even physical/mental illness. Jesus himself uses a form of the word "forgive" over 40 times. That's how important he wanted us to know it is. Once we forgive ourselves, forgiving others is a natural progression.
There is healing beyond our imaginations in our willingness to forgive. Restoration can occur in degrees, based on the trust that is earned. Forgiveness does not give permission to continue harm; we must end that cycle. True forgiveness means that we realize that the peace we long for and the love we seek is all the more attainable, because the "cloud" of pain has been removed. We can then be free to love ourselves and others in ways that we never imagined possible -- I know this from my own journey.
Since I have become a forgiver, my joys are genuine and longer-lasting. How I see myself and the world has changed, such that I have less of a cynical world view. I use to live a lifestyle of unforgiveness. I know that sounds funny, but unforgiveness breeds cynicism and doubt in almost every area of your life, because some part of you believes every harm is intentional and punishable. You analyze every ill you hear about and see as intentional and punishable. No grace and very little mercy. I know... I use to live there.
We have to remember the countless times that God forgave us and restored us. No one deserves grace, yet God gives it to us -- not as a loan to be paid back, but FREELY.
If you are living a lifestyle of unforgiveness, decide to forgive. Your eyes will be opened to see the areas of your life that need healing and restoration and you will begin to live life from a genuine, compassionate place that will make the light inside of you brighter and more edifying to all those you encounter. All you have to do is DECIDE.
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