Why do we keep reconciling with ex-boyfriends, girlfriends? Is it laziness, loneliness, lack of vision, lack of confidence, convenience? Victorious singleness never begins for some, because of our unwillingness to LET GO. Letting go is not an option, but a necessity. Let's discuss several scenarios...
Boy meets girl. Boy is smart, accomplished, but insecure. Boy has abandonment issues, but as long as girl is available to boy when needed, boy is fun and cooperative, maybe even chivalrous. Girl must speak when spoken to. Boy is in complete control, then one day girl voices her opinion, that is contrary to that of boy. Argument ensues. These patterns continue and become progressively worse. Boy begins to tell girl that she's not who he thought she was and begins to lose interest, avoid calls and finally declares the relationship is over. Over the months that follow girls goes on, dates, but can't seem to meet anyone who is as fun as boy was. Almost on cue boy sends random text message, then leaves a voicemail. Girl finally responds and before long, the cycle begins again. Problem is, boy still has abandonment and control issues and girl still has opinions and dreams that make her less accessible. We can see how this story will end.
Scenario two... Boy meets girl. Girl is a successful professional, no nonsense. Has a child from a previous relationship and really would like to be married and have a "father figure" for her daughter. Girl is constantly reminding boy that she wants to be married and she can relax, but she expects boy to "fit" into her preconceived ideal. Boy expresses several times to girl that he doesn't want to be managed and that she's beautiful and smart and a pretty cool person, but she needs to relax and girl says that boy is obviously not serious about her. She considers him weak and decides to break up. A year later boy and girl see each other at an event, sparks fly and they start seeing each other again. Chemistry does not mean compatible and the two quickly realize why they broke up in the first place.
Scenario three... Boy meets girl. They date for a while, no major disagreements or disappointments. Neither has been to the other's home or met any personal friends or family. After about 8 months, boy receives a call on his cell from girl's best friend. Best friend is trying to plan a surprise party for girl and wants to include boy in the planning. Boy and best friend exchange numbers and begin having conversations that continue even after the surprise party. Calls lead to meetings, that turn into a relationship, that becomes even more "involved" than boy and girl's relationship. Girl finds out and breaks up with boy and best friend. Boy is very apologetic, but gives up trying to win girl back. But two years later boy begins to send girl flowers and cards begging for forgiveness. Girl begins to see boy again, forgetting the little "character and integrity" issues. The signs begin to appear again and she still never gets to meet his friends/family...
There are various other interchangeable possible scenarios, but the primary missing piece to each of these scenarios is FRIENDSHIP. When two people become friends, they will be protective of the friendship. Friendship is based on truth and love -- at least the best friendships are.
When relationships end, the ending should be respected. Consider the ending to be a pass to the entry way to finding out more about yourself and what you need in your life related to friends and potential mates. Assess the wrong turns and bad decisions on everyone's part and commit to NOT making those turns or decisions again. It is a mistake to be intimate at any level, with strangers. Establish your levels of privacy and intimacy and post a sign that says "No Strangers Allowed". Remember the key elements for the start of every relationship -- it should begin with the goal of friendship -- TRUTH and LOVE.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
The Meeting of a Lifetime
Ok, so here we are at installment 12 in this series. I've taken a break for a while to assess where I am, versus where I'd like to go with this whole blogging thing and really, I like this direction. My goal is to bring about not just a chuckle or two nor to just remind singles of the "red flags" in dating, but to reintroduce us to ourselves.
With the hustle and bustle of life we tend to lose ourselves and become comfortable with allowing our lives to live us, instead of the other way around. Sometimes we are almost in a daze, as if abducted by aliens, wandering around doing whatever our schedules dictate, as if we have no say. Well I rose early this morning with the expressed intention of reminding you that you most certainly do have "a say." Beginning today, beginning now. But first...
Allow me to assist in the formal introduction... (say this out loud) "Me, I'd like you to meet Myself, and I." Now that THAT's over with, we can relax and be "ourselves." Of all the things we are to so many people (family, friends, co-workers, business associates and complete strangers)we must remember to pause and reacquaint ourselves with those things that we "said" were important. Those things we said we would do, seek out, experience, to add value to our lives. Sure being in the right place, with the right people is valuable, but if we represent the "product," are we truly as well put together as our packaging suggests? Or... are we a jumbled mess, just barely gathering enough of ourselves everyday to keep up the facade?
Every now and then, I decide that in order for me to keep loving myself, even liking myself, I need that TIME. If you are like me, you don't just "happen" upon this time, you have to be deliberate, intentional and even schedule it if necessary. Maybe record your favorite shows and use that time to go to a designated space, it could be a room at home, your bath tub, a walk in the neighborhood, maybe even a wi-fi spot or the library. Doesn't matter where, as long as it affords you the time and space to embrace yourself and give yourself that much needed attention. External maintenance is good, but it is the internal maintenance that will sustain you when the inevitable external challenges and obstacles appear.
During this "me" time you can explore what we've identified in earlier posts and ask yourself questions. Hey, maybe your perspective has changed. Maybe you'll find that you have grown in areas you hadn't imagined. Maybe you'll identify some areas that need to be "handled" before they overtake you and ruin your life plans. It is even more possible that you will recognize that you still remember who you really are and that your plans just needed to be pulled out of storage and "dusted off." That idea is still a great idea, that dream is still attainable and God's promises are still TRUE. Finally, remember to invite and get reacquainted with your Creator at these "get-togethers". The reward of courage,wisdom and truth will be great.
With the hustle and bustle of life we tend to lose ourselves and become comfortable with allowing our lives to live us, instead of the other way around. Sometimes we are almost in a daze, as if abducted by aliens, wandering around doing whatever our schedules dictate, as if we have no say. Well I rose early this morning with the expressed intention of reminding you that you most certainly do have "a say." Beginning today, beginning now. But first...
Allow me to assist in the formal introduction... (say this out loud) "Me, I'd like you to meet Myself, and I." Now that THAT's over with, we can relax and be "ourselves." Of all the things we are to so many people (family, friends, co-workers, business associates and complete strangers)we must remember to pause and reacquaint ourselves with those things that we "said" were important. Those things we said we would do, seek out, experience, to add value to our lives. Sure being in the right place, with the right people is valuable, but if we represent the "product," are we truly as well put together as our packaging suggests? Or... are we a jumbled mess, just barely gathering enough of ourselves everyday to keep up the facade?
Every now and then, I decide that in order for me to keep loving myself, even liking myself, I need that TIME. If you are like me, you don't just "happen" upon this time, you have to be deliberate, intentional and even schedule it if necessary. Maybe record your favorite shows and use that time to go to a designated space, it could be a room at home, your bath tub, a walk in the neighborhood, maybe even a wi-fi spot or the library. Doesn't matter where, as long as it affords you the time and space to embrace yourself and give yourself that much needed attention. External maintenance is good, but it is the internal maintenance that will sustain you when the inevitable external challenges and obstacles appear.
During this "me" time you can explore what we've identified in earlier posts and ask yourself questions. Hey, maybe your perspective has changed. Maybe you'll find that you have grown in areas you hadn't imagined. Maybe you'll identify some areas that need to be "handled" before they overtake you and ruin your life plans. It is even more possible that you will recognize that you still remember who you really are and that your plans just needed to be pulled out of storage and "dusted off." That idea is still a great idea, that dream is still attainable and God's promises are still TRUE. Finally, remember to invite and get reacquainted with your Creator at these "get-togethers". The reward of courage,wisdom and truth will be great.
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